I haven't been on here in a whileee.. I guess I have a lot to update on.

Matt and I broke up about a month after we got back together. He wasn't willing to change, so I ended it. He's with someone else now and it doesn't bother me. We talked about everything a few weeks ago and basically came to the agreement that it wasn't meant to be. And we still talk sometimes, mostly about his nephews who I miss like crazy. His sister still tells him he won't do better than me, which is funny.. cuz it's true, haha. But I'm doing fine. I'm actually talking to a new guy. I've talked to a few guys since me & him broke up, but this one's the only one I'm really interested in. He's taking me out tonight. (:
It feels good to be genuinely happy again. I thought it would be harder than it was to move on. But I guess I realized that even though I loved him it didn't mean we were supposed to be together. We tried, and it just wasn't right. So we're both okay with that.
I got into 2 colleges so far, University of New Haven and Lasell. Both are offering me pretty good merit based scholarships, but I don't know where I'll go yet. I still haven't heard from my 4 other schools I applied to. So.. we'll see how that goes.
Second semester started last week... second semester senior yearrrr! I can't believe it's almost over. It's exciting.. and terrifying. But I can't wait to graduate.
Hmm.. what else.. I got my license in November. Kinda awesomeee. No car yet, but I'm workin on it.
I don't know if anyone actually reads this.. but if you do, comments are always appreciated. And if you want to talk I have facebook, so just ask for it.

i hope everybody had a good thanksgiving! mine was great. i love seeing my family.

so.. matt and i are back together. but he knows i'm going to need time to trust him again and for things to get back the way they were. i love him, but now i can't stop being paranoid that he's lying. i really do believe him when he says he'll do anything to have me in his life, but every time he hangs out with friends i still get nervous. he tells me he's done drinking, but for how long? i try not to think about it.. but it all still bothers me sometimes. i guess i just need time.

i don't know what he did, but his older brother had to bail him out.
i want to take his fat head and bang it against the wall until he passes out.
why does he have to be so dumb? and why do i have to still care about him?
i don't think i still love him, but i still don't want him to get hurt. or arrested. or just do stupid shit in general.
it would be so much easier if i just didn't give a shit what he did from now on. it's not like he's my problem anymore.
he told me that since we broke up he's been doing a lot of stupid things and just doesn't care. he said he feels lost.
i think he's just a fucking idiot. he just needs to go away.